She Can Get It

Helen wore the same turquoise leggings that she always wore around the house and on her casual walks that day. Her hair was pulled back into a rough ponytail she’d quickly banded up with one of the hair ties around her wrist. She walked with purpose but not quickly. Her gaze fixated on some space on the ground about ten feet ahead of her as she walked. She wasn’t concerned about what she was doing, she was only conscious that she was doing it. Walking away from her home to the corner store at her husband’s behest. Her husband stayed home talking with his friend. 

“The best of that series has got to be game 7.” He said to his patient friend that sat across the living room from him. “A lot of the work the team did building up to that series really paid off on what they’ve been trying to do all season.”

“Yeah.” his friend said. 

“Of course you might disagree, because I know that you were telling me how Kozech was trying out something new with his infield strategy and I think you were right but I just don’t think that focusing on the infield is where the team needed work.”

“Uh-huh.” His friend nodded, taking another sip of his drink.

“It’s really the outfield that they needed to work on this season and I suppose that your sort of right in that they needed the infield and outfield to be balanced out on the teams roster but with Bogote possibly leaving the team this year I don’t know how they’re going to manage that balance.”

The screen on the wall next to them was playing commercials that the husband had put on mute, because he hated commercials, and hated that they interrupted conversations. He noticed the games broadcast begin to start.

“I wouldn’t count out the possibility that-” His friend began to say.

“Hold on a second, I think they’re starting, let’s turn the volume on.” He picked up the remote and clicked it dramatically the way someone pretending to shoot a gun feigns the recoil.  The sound did not come on. 

“Fucking piece of shit.” He tried three more times until he gave up and walked over to the screen pressing one of the buttons on it’s side. The sound came on. There we go. 

“Ele, hey Ele.” He shouted towards the back of the house. No one responded. 

“So, yeah, I wouldn’t count out the possibility that-”

“Yeah just one second Greg.”

“Ele?” 

After waiting a few more seconds the husband walked across the hardwood floor towards the kitchen area where his wife had been. She wasn’t there, so he came back into the living room, gripping the bannister to swing onto the first step before hopping up every other step saying her name once again. When he heard no response he wondered if she was leaving him. He wondered this often, though she’d given him no indication that she wanted to. 

He walked into their bedroom and then through a connecting door to the office. Helen was sitting in one of the leather chairs opposite his desk, reading something on the internet and listening to music on her headphones. He touched her shoulder and she looked up and took one of her headphones out. 

“Ele, I’ve been saying your name for five minutes looking for you.”

“Oh.” She said neither dismissing his abrasive tone or challenging it. 

“I wanted you to help me with something. Are you busy? What are you doing?”

“Reading and listening to music.” She said, something that he already knew. Helen wondered why he asked. 

“The remote for the tv isn’t working.”

“Do you need some batteries?” She asked.

“Yes, I’m not sure where you put them.”

“They should be in the kitchen in that one drawer.”

“I’m not sure which drawer you mean, could you grab them?” She looked back to her computer and clicked the pause button on the music coming from it into her headphones. She took her other headphone out and stood up. He was already walking back towards the stairs. She followed him down the stairs to the kitchen. His friend nodded to her.

“Hey Helen.” he said. She politely offered a nod back. As they walked into the kitchen her husband looked around the room acting as confused as if he’d never been there. 

“They should be right here in this drawer.” She said walking over to a drawer that was farthest away from the stove. 

“What kind do you need?”

“Double A, maybe triple A” He said “Hey greg, you want another beer?”

“Yeah sure.” Greg said from the living room, his voice only a faint echo from the large living room, down the long hardwood hall to the large kitchen. 

“Here are the double A ones.” She picked them out and held them for him to see. He placed his hand out. She placed them in his hand. He turned around and walked quickly to the living room. She closed the drawer and looked around for a moment. It was such a big kitchen, it’s no wonder he couldn’t remember where they were, she thought. It was the biggest kitchen she’d had her whole life, her husband was the biggest man she’d had her whole life too. She was thirty-two and remembered what the kitchens in her past relationships had been like.

“Hey Ele! The Double A’s are the wrong kind. We need triple A’s. Oh and can you bring me and Greg a beer?”

“Sure.” She said, looking through the drawer at all of the home improvement services they’d hired since they moved in a few months ago. Carpenters, masons, heating and air specialists. She glanced at these and felt under the papers in search of the batteries.

“Sorry what, You have to shout from back there I can’t hear you.”

She did not see any triple A’s. She grabbed the two beers and walked out into the living room where the game had started. 

“Yeah, you know this job is just temporary for me. I know that the firm wants me to stay on and help with the new accounting contracts and negotiations but I don’t want to work under that shithead Boris. He’s so fucking touchy feely and he thinks everyone should be happy. Well how does that play out for me. That joke Jenine has a nervous breakdown and suddenly she can take two hour lunches so she can check on her new kid. Then before that she was on maternity leave. Boris is just fine with it.”

“Thanks Helen-So you have to pick up the workload?” Greg asked as Helen handed him the drink.

“It’s not really that, it’s the way that people can get away with doing nothing just because they  feel bad or because they decide to have a kid in this economy. It’s ridiculous, I don’t see any reason why I should work hard, you know.

“Yeah man, I hear ya, at my job-”

“-sorry hold on just a sec. Where are the batteries?”

“We don’t have any.”

“Did you check the drawer?” He asked.

“Yes and I checked a couple other places they might be too.” She said. 

“Ah man, I wanted to mute the commercials so we could catch up during the commercials. I still haven’t heard about your new job.” he motioned to Greg.

“Could you go down the street to the store and get some?”

“I could.”

“Great; and while you’re at it could you grab us that new flavor of mountain dew? What’s it called Greg, the one you said was just comin’ out this week?”

“I can’t remember the name, all I remember is its blue.”

“Yeah blue mountain dew and some batteries for the remote, you can just put it on your charge card.” he added.  

“Sure.” She said, self conscious of greg looking her over quickly with his eyes with genuine admiration and a hint of affection. She hardly felt sexy wearing her casual leggings, but the gentle quickness of his gaze made her feel that she was desirable for the first time that day. 

“That’s really cool of you Helen, are you sure you don’t want to just go at the end of the first quarter?” Greg asked him. 

“No no, she’s down to go, she can get it.” He said plopping down onto the couch.

So Helen slipped on some shoes, slipped her card into a small pocket on the side of her leggings and walked out. 

“Don’t forget a coat.” he said after her. She reached over for her lightest coat but turned and said “I should be fine.” He didn’t think that she would be, but if she wanted to freeze her ass off that was her business he thought. 

Helen was surprised by the Colorado air. It was one of those days where it seemed cold but was actually quite warm and had the faintest hint of rain, as though the rain had tried to pour over the city but had mostly evaporated under the persistent rays of sunlight that peaked past the marbled sky of clouds and blue. She felt her feet beneath her and as she walked she began to think more about the past kitchens she’d had in her homes. She had lived with two other men and had dated four in total before she met her husband. It seemed to her a miserable tally for her age and class. She glanced down to her belly, which she’d never been able to fully vanquish from her midriff. Oh. She supposed that perhaps it was her mindset, her passing accommodations of those around her. Her gentle nature. Her friendliness. The wind blew her hair so she tied it up with an elastic band from her wrist. A motorcycle passed by quietly chirping. As it reached the end of the block the stoplight turned yellow causing it to loudly putter as it banked left out of sight. She continued thinking, about herself, who she was, mostly conscious of it in relation to the fresh air and the moisture here and there that dotted the sidewalk. She wondered if she’d been different in a past life, if when she’d lived with other men her life had been different. Truth be told she knew that already. However she truly wondered how. How had she been different and what had happened the last two years to change that?  As she reached the end of the block, she cut across a small parking lot to make her way north towards downtown denver. 

The last man she’d lived with had shared a studio apartment with her. In that place they’d both known where the batteries and anything else were located. They often spent time together being apart, her reading a book or watching videos online, him doing the same. Sometimes cooking a meal together, sometimes missing each other entirely due to work schedules. He worked as a bartender while she worked as a waitress. Both had been dreaming of more the whole time. Her boyfriend, what was his name, she could not recall for a second.

“Manuel.” She said quietly under her breath with a smile. She wondered how someone so important at one time could be forgotten at another. She was afraid that someday she’d forget his name altogether and with it would go some of the best times in her life.  Then she reached the corner store.

“Excuse me do you have the new Mountain Dew?”

“Sorry what did you say Miss?”

“I’m looking for the new mountain dew.”

“Ah yes, mountain dew third cooler.” he pointed from behind his thick bulletproof teller glass. She looked the wrong way and he said “No, other side miss.”

“Oh, thank you.” she said walking back that way. She glanced down at the sodas and saw none of the blue mountain dew. She turned to her left down an aisle and saw the batteries. She grabbed a pack and walked up front.

“Did you find the mountain dew?”

“No, these will be fine.”

“We should have some, I stocked the coolers this morning.”

“I was looking for a blue flavored mountain dew.”

“Ah yes, they all have a lot of sugar, and flavor, I’m sure the other colors would be just as good.”

“Yes, but I’ll just try again some day.”

“As you wish, total comes to seven fifty-six.” She balked internally at the price. She’d never bought things like batteries except in large quantities. In her twenties she’d have bought a value pack of twenty for twelve dollars and gotten twice as many. That was of course when she had access to far less money then she did now. She pulled out the platinum member card from her husband’s bank. It was a card he’d given her shortly after they were engaged. She handed it to the teller. 

On her way home much of what she thought faded into a kind of dread as she got closer to the house. When she saw it she chose to continue walking so she could take the long way around the block. She remembered the day she moved in and how she’d taken selfies and wahooed before kissing her fiance on the front porch. She remembered his insistence that he carry her over the threshold. When she felt his hands grab her back and her legs they felt strange, perhaps because she’d done it before with another boyfriend of hers just after high school. They’d both smoked some weed and watched a romantic comedy she’d chosen to rent from an automatic video kiosk at the store. After the movie he’d turned to her in bed.

“I hope you don’t expect me to do all that, I’m just one guy. I can’t buy you all kinds of things and romantically pick you up and carry you through the door to our new home.”

“You can carry me through that door.” She said giggling as she pointed her toe at his bedroom door.”

“Okay. he said, pulling her up playfully.

“C’mon!” He added. I can only be suave for so long.” She got up and followed him out into the hallway. His roommate walked by quickly saying “excuse me.”

Then he shut the room door and picked her up, caressing her as though she was a precious object he’d rather drop on himself then drop on the floor. 

“You might be the first man to pick up my fatass.” She said. He looked into her eyes.

“No. No, I am a weak man before you are ever a fat woman.” She smiled then, she smiled now.  

He tried to reach for the doorknob but he couldn’t get his hand far enough away to free up a few fingers for the job. Helen laughed and clutched her hands around his neck pulling her face into the nape of his neck and freeing his right hand to haphazardly grab the doorknob. Then he bumped the door with his foot and took her inside. 

“All I can do is carry you.” was what he’d said when they broke up. It was the best moment of her life. She was back around the block facing the house. She remembered how he’d picked her up to cross the threshold, how his hands were holding something. She was something to be held when she knew it was something entirely different to be beheld. Still, she remembered everything that had led here and conceded to herself that this was better than the worst way her life had been. She opened the door.

“Oh hey Ele, you got the batteries?”

“Yes.”

“No Mountain Dew?”

“No they didn’t have it.”

“It’s all good Ele.” Greg quickly said, adding a “thank you” for good measure.”

“How about you get some next time you’re at the grocery store.”

“Sure.” she said

“Also,” he added

 “You know you… I can afford to buy you new clothes. You don’t have to wear that old pair of leggings. 

“It’s okay, I like them.”

“You’ll like new ones more.” He said and turned back to Greg and the game. He cracked open the remote and put the batteries in. He clicked the mute button and a commercial for the new mountain dew flavor was silenced. 

“Good. Now we can talk.” He said.